Jokes

The fun forum. Discuss anything here.

Moderators: Brenda, Kelly

User avatar
Kelly
Editor
Editor
Posts: 5601
Joined: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:23 am
Camera Model: Canon EOS 50D, EOS 7D Mi & ii, Rebel t3i, Canon M50
Location: West Henrietta, NY
Contact:

I think I'd prefer seeing you in one of these.

[spoiler]Image
http://evian.corporate-products.de/[/spoiler]
I am strong, because I've been weak.
I am fearless, because I've been afraid.
I am wise, because I've been foolish.

- Unknown

My NYFalls.com Team Page
Scenes from a Public Market
New York Historic
User avatar
Kelly
Editor
Editor
Posts: 5601
Joined: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:23 am
Camera Model: Canon EOS 50D, EOS 7D Mi & ii, Rebel t3i, Canon M50
Location: West Henrietta, NY
Contact:

Image
I am strong, because I've been weak.
I am fearless, because I've been afraid.
I am wise, because I've been foolish.

- Unknown

My NYFalls.com Team Page
Scenes from a Public Market
New York Historic
User avatar
Matt
President
President
Posts: 13374
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 5:01 pm
Camera Model: Olympus OMD EM-1 m1, m2; Panasonic GM5, Osmo Pocket
Location: Rochester, NY
Contact:

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen for a drink," he replies. She asks, " Will you get me piece of cake?"

The husband says, "Sure." She gently reminds him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you don't forget it?" He says, "No, I can certainly remember that!"

Then the woman says, "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top. You'd better write it down because I know you'll forget it." The man replies, "I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries."

She adds, "I'd also like whipped cream on top. Now I'm certain you're gonna forget that, so you'd better write it down ok." Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!"

He then grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?
User avatar
Kelly
Editor
Editor
Posts: 5601
Joined: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:23 am
Camera Model: Canon EOS 50D, EOS 7D Mi & ii, Rebel t3i, Canon M50
Location: West Henrietta, NY
Contact:

:mrgreen:
Image
SEATTLE (The Borowitz Report)—Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon.com, told reporters today that his reported purchase of the Washington Post was a “gigantic mix-up,” explaining that he had clicked on the newspaper by mistake.

“I guess I was just kind of browsing through their website and not paying close attention to what I was doing,” he said. “No way did I intend to buy anything.”

Mr. Bezos said he had been oblivious to his online shopping error until earlier today, when he saw an unusual charge for two hundred and fifty million dollars on his American Express statement.

After investigating with the credit-card company, he was informed that he had been charged for the purchase price of the entire Washington Post, which, he said, was “pure craziness.”

“No way in hell would I buy the Washington Post,” he said. “I don’t even read the Washington Post.”

Mr. Bezos said he had been on the phone with the Post’s customer service for the better part of the day trying to unwind his mistaken purchase, but so far “they’ve really been giving me the runaround.”

According to Mr. Bezos, “I keep telling them, I don’t know how it got in my cart. I don’t want it. It’s like they’re making it impossible to return it.”
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/b ... stake.html
I am strong, because I've been weak.
I am fearless, because I've been afraid.
I am wise, because I've been foolish.

- Unknown

My NYFalls.com Team Page
Scenes from a Public Market
New York Historic
User avatar
Kelly
Editor
Editor
Posts: 5601
Joined: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:23 am
Camera Model: Canon EOS 50D, EOS 7D Mi & ii, Rebel t3i, Canon M50
Location: West Henrietta, NY
Contact:

I am strong, because I've been weak.
I am fearless, because I've been afraid.
I am wise, because I've been foolish.

- Unknown

My NYFalls.com Team Page
Scenes from a Public Market
New York Historic
User avatar
Matt
President
President
Posts: 13374
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 5:01 pm
Camera Model: Olympus OMD EM-1 m1, m2; Panasonic GM5, Osmo Pocket
Location: Rochester, NY
Contact:

Criss Angel and Houdini walk into a bakery. Criss palms 3 Donuts with one hand and puts them in his pocket without anyone noticing.

He says, "Do you see how masterful I am Houdini, I make donuts disappear at will!"

Houdini responds, "Not bad, not bad at all."

Houdini then goes to the Bakery owner and asks him if he wants to see a magic trick. The curious owner answers, "Of course!"

Houdini proceeds to ask him for a Doughnut, and then eats it. He asks him for another one, and then eats it as well. He then asks him for a third one, which the owner reluctantly gives up.

"So where is the magic trick? I gave you 3 donuts already!"

Houdini responds, "Go check Criss Angel's pocket."
User avatar
Matt
President
President
Posts: 13374
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 5:01 pm
Camera Model: Olympus OMD EM-1 m1, m2; Panasonic GM5, Osmo Pocket
Location: Rochester, NY
Contact:

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
User avatar
Kelly
Editor
Editor
Posts: 5601
Joined: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:23 am
Camera Model: Canon EOS 50D, EOS 7D Mi & ii, Rebel t3i, Canon M50
Location: West Henrietta, NY
Contact:

Image
I am strong, because I've been weak.
I am fearless, because I've been afraid.
I am wise, because I've been foolish.

- Unknown

My NYFalls.com Team Page
Scenes from a Public Market
New York Historic
Post Reply